Sunday afternoon

I am going to garden today - the garden is a little wild, but looks amazing. All the planting I did 4 years ago before my 60th birthday party, has suddenly exploded, the roses are rambling everywhere, there is clematis climbing through everything, and the peonies are absolutely huge and flopping everywhere. It looks absolutely divine. There are foxgloves and love in the mist, and masses of hardy geraniums - I just love it.


A real, romantic, slightly overblown, English garden. This house and garden give me so much pleasure, it almost hurts, and I just cannot bear the thought of losing it. I tell myself that Violet had a wonderful life here, and that is some consolation.

Yesterday I took the dogs for a long walk, slightly varying the usual route so as not to get too upset and Billy chased a rabbit and almost caught it - stopped by a metal five bar gate that he couldn't get through! I thought, 'Oh, if that had been Vi she would have caught it before the gate.'

But - it is the first time he has properly chased one, so he is following in his darling mummy's footsteps. And, do you know something? I realised that even if Vi had lived, she would have had a very poor quality of life. She would have never have been able to go for lovely long walks, or chase rabbits, or foxes. I did the right thing, however much it hurts.

Let's hope that life picks up from now on - I am going to get the B & B up and running as quickly as possible. Shane is coming this week to spend a day mending catches, moving garden furniture and helping me get the loggia dining area up and running, and his electrician friend is coming to sort out all the broken patio lights, light switches, security lights, socket outlets, etc. so things are moving. I just need to take a deep breath and try to move on.

The birdsong is still amazing - it is a requiem for Violet.

Life without Violet

It’s a beautiful Sunday morning - so peaceful, birds singing and I am alone with my thoughts.

I went over to see the C’s at the last minute for supper last night, and they invited Maud (my Jack Russell) and Billy (my younger Whippet) as well. It is quite strange - Billy has always hated the car but since Vi (his mother) died he doesn't seem to mind it at all. Maybe he just doesn't want to be left behind.

The dogs were so sweet, I took one of the sheepy beds and they just settled in it together all snuggly, and behaved beautifully. Just like Maud used to do with Violet when Bertie our Golden Retriever died. Maud is truly the matriarch. Billy is very depressed, he keeps going into the garage where I left Violet in her lovely doggy coffin before we buried her. He wanders round, to all her favourite places, and flops down for a while. He is not at all happy. He cuddles up to me in bed and won't let me out of his sight.

I think we all have broken hearts.

And Maud doesn't bark any more, she just whines if she hears something. As if she doesn't want to upset me I cannot describe to you how unhappy I am, life is so cruel.

SF came round early evening yesterday with some lovely flowers - she is so sweet, I never saw anything of her when your father was around, but see her quite a bit now. She is very straight down the line, and i find that very refreshing - everything she says to me makes me think,and her advice is spot on. She thinks I should get a puppy, not to replace Vi, but to give the dogs and me something to focus on so we can move on. As Maud is 14 next birthday, I really do not want Billy to find himself suddenly alone.

A Life Less Ordinary

My beloved whippet Violet was put to sleep this morning. Shane came this afternoon and buried Violet for me under one of the willow trees by the stream. Molly put a posy of roses, pinks, canterbury bells and alchemilla on the grave. Violet looked so peaceful and I couldn't believe that she had been so ill. It will take me a long time to get over this. I loved Violet so much - she was the sweetrest gentlest dog, and had three weeks of misery. A chain of events that could have all been avoided. It is an absolute tragedy.