Sunday, October 4, 2009

a maudlin late night ramble

Hey, you divine people who have responded to my posts today. I can't respond because I can't cope with the technology required to do so at midnight! We are talking about a Luddite here.

All of you, you have no idea how much I appreciate your interest and support and I am amazed if I have touched a nerve. Which one of you said I needed to let go? How right you are. However gross the philanderer's behaviour. hey, I had feelings, and how do you wipe a life at a touch of a button? How do you acknowledge a deep seated gut feeling that things were not as they should be? I have two beautiful feisty intelligent daughters, they are the reason that I clung on to an impossible situation. They do not thank me for so doing, but I come from a generation that was taught to make do and mend, and that is a good tenet to hold on to in the scheme of things.

I find it fascinating that we bare our souls to an anonymous public - but surely so much better than to a sanctimonious counsellor who thrives on other people's misery! Yes, I am a sceptic, and all the better for it.

Life has always been tricky, and there is no easy solution. No one has a perfect life, how inviduous to think that each one of us is so important that life must be ideal. Human beings are cruel, expedient, self-seeking, we are all out of the same mould.

This evening our Harvest Festival service was life-enhancing. It was like stepping back in time - familiar hymns with familiar tunes, a beautifully decorated church, a harking back to a time when life was focused on the changing seasons, on village life. We will be the poorer if these rituals disappear, they are the cement which binds country communities together. The constant blurring of the boundaries between country and town will not enhance either community and should be halted before irreparable damage is done to both communities. It is a lemming-like rush to the cliff edge, without thought for the consequences.

I had a delicious supper tonight, good wine, and good debate round the dinner table. I would say that since I have been on my own, the conversational topics round the dinner table have been definitely more meaty and thought provoking than before! Far less trivial! A naughty comment, but so true.

Goodnight.

9 comments:

dragondays said...

Glad to see you back - your holiday sounded great.
It is difficult going back to an empty house in the beginning but I found that suddenly I could change things around as I wanted them and no longer be criticised and suddenly one day the house became MY house and was no longer OUR house. Bliss!
Re. replying to comments - just go to your blog and leave a comment - easy peasy!!

Welsh Girl said...

Welcome back. This is going to be odd to say, but don't cling to the idea that all humans are cruel, self seeking etc. I think that all people can surprise you with random acts of kindness, generosity and selflessness (hmm, is that a word? It has a lot of 's's in it...). Today is my sister's birthday and her neighbour made her a gluten free birthday cake! How lovely is that?

Gloria said...

This is my first visit to your blog and I'm kind of hooked to find out more about you and your girls. I know all about infidelity and loss but am so glad he did all of that because now I'm married to the most wonderful man and have been for the past 10 years.

What you wrote, 'Life has always been tricky, and there is no easy solution. No one has a perfect life, how inviduous to think that each one of us is so important that life must be ideal. Human beings are cruel, expedient, self-seeking, we are all out of the same mould.' I totally agree, couldn't have said it better, we all are of the same mould.

Great first post for me. Will be back to catch up on some of your earlier posts.

Have a great week!

Helena Halme said...

I had tears in my eyes when I read about your 'empty shell of a house'. That's exactly how I feel about mine. Yet it was me who fell in love with this place and insisted we should move into the middle of nowhere. Now the children have gone, it just doesn't feel the same anymore.

Welcome back and thank your for sharing your thoughts.

Helena xx

Red Lipstick Style said...

I've missed you, welcome back! You know, it sounds like my mom went through a the almost very similar situation as you did, so I understand when you say that often times you felt you should stay for the children. So, that being said, I relate to you deeply as my mom (and I on some leveles) has/have never fully recovered from her ordeal. I wish you all good things and more happiness than you could ever imagine. You are well on your way, just the fact that you are blogging. Bloggers are some of the most wonderful, kind-hearted people in the world.

Make Do Style said...

I think ultimately people understand and admire others. I'm sure the conversation is more peppered, your eyes must be sparkling without you knowing!

everybodysaysdont said...

Goodnight! and take care xxx

Anonymous said...

Somewhere hidden in Paris I miss reading you. You have a very lovely way of writing. I really hope you are doing alright, I'm sending some friendly hugs towards you. You seem like a great person. If moving houses seems like a big step it's sometimes amazing what a new coat of paint can do.
Keep it up!

Cathy said...

I am enjoying your blog immensely. I love the aura of comfort and spirituality that you arouse in me. Keep blogging - it makes a difference to this reader! Thank you so much...