Saturday, February 20, 2010

"I was unfaithful, I had affairs, I cheated ..."

"I was unfaithful, I had affairs, I cheated, my behaviour was unacceptable" Poor old Tiger Woods, mea culpa mea culpa, but at least his next utterance was "I am to blame". This was a public relations exercise, no doubt, but it took a lot of courage, I suspect, for him to deliver it.

How I have longed for the philandering husband to utter such an expiation - instead of telling me constantly "to put up or f.. off" whenever I confronted him. I just feel so sad, but of course, there must be an element of blame on my side, noone is ever blameless, but I have endured years and years of infidelties and lies, and what a waste - everything turned to dust.

My friends split into two camps - the ones who can't understand really why I pulled the plug after so long, why upset the apple cart in my mid-sixties, and the others who, for years, had urged me to do something, having seen how utterly miserable I was, but determined to try to salvage something, especially for my girls.

Well, I have salvaged some things, my self-respect, and peace of mind, and I have two wonderful girls, but there is nothing much else. I will lose my home, he has lost his job, and there is little money left after years of his profligacy, racing cars, and affairs.

However - I do sleep at night, and I am not now left at home on my own knowing full well that he is off continually with other women. And - even worse - having to entertain people who later turn out to be his mistresses, or having to endure the knowledge that he entertained his mistresses in my home, when I was away. I must add thst I found these facts out slowly over the years. Dear God, what a fool I was.

I have thought long and hard about why, these days, so many marriages do not survive - many seem to break up later in life. We live longer now, and maybe man is not a monogamous creature, and cannot sustain such long relationships. Who knows - but it is a rare second relationship that survives - and so what was all the upset and heartache really about?

Men are like children, and always think the grass is greener, and the world is full of predatory women, targetting marriages because they feel 'entitled' to such a life for themselves, but it is a mirage, and like thirsty travellers in the desert, just as they reach the oasis, it fades away, and the oustretched hand is full of sand, running through the fingers.


Chic Mama said...

Funny, I found Tiger Woods' speech a bit distressing, I think these matters are personal and shouldn't have been aired in the children questioning it- I'm not ready to explain all of that. ;0/
Really feel for you,....I read lots of books and I also accept my responsibility in the break down but like you I expect the only 'wrong' I did was accept his bad behaviour/put up with it. Not infidelity like you but some people will do this no matter what happens at home. As you say 'the grass is always greener'. I'm sure he will end up lonely, as I'm sure mine will. I still chant 'What goes around comes around' Take care. Lets hope you don't get any more snow this weekend. x

Anonymous said...

I felt sorry for Woods having to make such a speech - when he said nothing, he was decried, now he has made it people say it doesn't ring true ... you can never win. I think he is/was a fabulous representative of golf and has inspired many youngsters to take up the sport. The promoters were fighting to get him when he was famous but did you see how quickly they dropped him ...
Anyhow - isn't it strange how others think that because you have been with someone for 40 odd years that you might as well stay with them? Why? Cruelty, mental or physical, is just as painful in your 60s as in your 20s. I think that this is the culture today - after 50 you become invisible and therefore without feelings. Ho hum.
As Chic says keep on chanting 'What goes round ...' - it WORKS!
So glad you have LLG staying with you and helping you sort through things in the house - a bloody job at the best of times.

jazzandjewels said...

I've just found that you're back - it's good to catch up with you... May your springtime blossom soon and warm your heart.


.... The other woman - ends up alone and cries herself to sleep .... you may not have your home, but your girls, your dignity and your friends are all the ingredients that will help your heart to heal.

Make Do Style said...

Gosh - this is a difficult one and I read your post after this one about the money too.

I suppose it is better to settle if you will have a roof over you head and something to base your future on, if you want to move on. I can imagine it is very hard to accept sums that are low and not what you believe you should get but the law is usually unconcerned with justice - merely settlement. What do your legal team say?

The problem is no children, your age and the fact he's lost his job. The courts are unlikely to offer more if they believe a reasonable offer has been made. They will of course take into account many things but it always falls back on precedent and to some extent expedience.

I wish financial settlements were fair but they rarely are. Good luck with it all.

walkingart said...

Reading your blog is so moving; you truely sound just the bravest person, and I have such admiration for you. I wish you the best of luck in reclaiming your life, you deserve a lot of love and happiness, don't settle for anything less! Best wishes x