Sunday, August 30, 2009

The state of marriage

I am sitting, as usual, in my kitchen with lovely gentle classical music on the wireless. cup of freshly brewed coffee to hand. Sunday morning, all is peaceful, no Church service in the village today. This was the one morning that I did not have to get up early, and after a very jolly evening last night, the thought of a lie-in was very seductive. Billy had other ideas. He woke me whining at 6.30 am. He never wants to go out early. This morning he most certainly did.

Oh well, the Sunday papers were delivered early for once, and so I settled down at the kitchen table and spread them around.

I have just read a very interesting article in the Sunday Telegraph, about 'open' marriages, basically about Silvio Berlusconi, and how he has broken the 'rules'. This resonated with me - basically, his wife had tolerated an 'open' marriage for years, to maintain the status quo for the sake of the children, and to avoid having to split up the family for financial reasons. The pay off was supposed to be discretion, to look after the wife and family financially, and to behave in a civilised way. He broke the rules, made a conplete fool of himself - and out he had to go.

In my case, as far as I was concerned, my husband and I did not have an 'open' marriage, and he did not take care of me and the family in the way that he should have done, especially the younger daughter, who has a progressive illness, the seriousness of which he has always refused to acknowledge. But - my eldest daughter, with a wise head on her shoulders, did say to him that if he had chosen women who were cultured, and who made him happy, and if he had not been so mean to me and had looked after me, things would not have been so dreadful. I suppose I am to blame, but it is true, I was never jealous of the women, the ones I did find out about, because they were so ghastly! This final one, was just the last straw, I just could not tolerate it any longer. Right under my nose, with the local slapper, no thank you.

Marriages are complex arrangements. There are no set rules, and it is invidious in the extreme to pronounce on other people's relationships, but to me, it comes down to respect, and behaving in a civilised way.

Last night, I went to the engagement party of the daughter of a girlfriend of mine. It was a lovely occcasion - I took great pleasure in seeing H and her fiance looking so happy, their future ahead of them, a delightful couple and I wish them all the luck in the world as they set out on their great adventure.


Welsh Decorator said...

I can empathise with this sittuation, the other way round in my case!
It is not an easy decision to make or do! but like you, I have put it behind me altho we came extremely close to the edge.
I'm suprised there is no real anger in there.

Aurora said...

@ Welsh Decorator - Thank you for your empathy - it is good to hear from people who understand such a situation. I am not angry, just sad that a 44 year relationship has turned to dust. I know I will enjoy my future life, however it turns out.