Friday, April 23, 2010

Billy spreads his wings

So - my lovely home is finally on the market. A very bittersweet experience - the house and garden have never looked lovelier. The weather is astounding, crisp frosty mornings, warm afternoons with the house bathed in sunlight both inside and out.

A whole gamut of emotions are running through me - this house defines me, throughout the battlefield and misery of my marriage, it was my refuge - the place where I licked my wounds over the years whilst the philanderer betrayed me with relatives, good friends, and Uncle Tom Cobbley and all. I poured my love, my own money, my ideas into the house and garden. It is an expression of me, my inner self, everything that defines me. And nothing about it has anything to do with him.

As usual, I am sitting at the kitchen table, it is a glorious morning, the weather at the moment is a delight. The birds are singing their morning chorus, the sun is playing on Billy and Maud as they snuggle down in their sheepskin bed on the terrace, and I can hear the woodpecker in the willow tree, at the far end of our paddock, drumming his beak against the trunk. Rar-atat-a-tat-tat. Something is now suddenly annoying Maud, and she starts giving little barks and yelps. She can be so annoying - she is now flying to the front door, and I am getting fed up with the noise. There is noone there. I have never felt unsafe living here on my own - both Maud and Billy would see off anyone who tried to gain unauthorised entry to the house.

These two dogs are my shadows - everybody knows how much I love them, and their complete devotion has been my saving grace. As they are now back lying in the bed outside, both of them are turned towards me, their eyes fixed on me, just oozing love and affection.

Billy has become rather full of himself lately. Frankly, for a male dog, I have found him to be so gentle and no trouble, so I should be thankful for small mercies. Two days ago, a pigeon swooped too low above his bed whilst he was sunning himself, and suddenly, I heard squawks, thumping, growling, and in a flurry of downy feathers was presented with the contents for a stew for my evening meal. A few hours later, a small bird, followed by a mouse, and later still part of a very dead rabbit. I think a little re-training is necessary.

I am expecting Possetta Baddog soon for a visit - I wait in fear and trepidation as during her last visit she taught Billy to dig holes in the lawn, 14 to be exact, and since her return to London, he has been carrying on the good work. It doesn't look too good right bang in the middle of the estate agent's expensive pictures in the sale brochure. Poor old Bill - he says he is just exercising his right of passage to full manhood. God help me.

I think he is jealous of the Baddog. Whilst the Senior Daughter was at home here in the country on her extended visit from the Big Apple, the Baddog was rewarded by Barbour with the offer of her very own tailor-made dog coat. Bill thinks that is favouritism. Especially as his owner was also treated by a lovely lady from Barbour to her very own Barbour. A Barbour International, no less, tight fitting, waisted, belts and whistles, the lot, divine, and Bill says, Bah! The truth is, Bill does not take very kindly to coats, because the one time I tried to put one on him, he said, I am not going to look like a big girl's blouse, thank you very much. Sigh.

I now have to have yet another house tidy-up. The downside of selling a house is that it has to look permanently like a show house. A little tricky for the dogs and I, but we will survive. All bones, dog beds, half-chewed toys, disembowelled
furry meerkats and beavers, and old slippers chucked in cupboards - oh dear. please, prospective viewers, keep your hands off cupboard handles.


Cassandra said...

Good luck, we are thinking of you. And thank you so much for posting me that fantastic boxful of maquillage! Sadly nothing much is making a difference at the moment but I am planning to whip out the warpaint again soon. (This is Fran, by the way!) Lots of love xxx

westendmum said...

Surely if he was unfaithful and left, you get the house?

My heart goes out to you, Good luck in finding a new place where you and the dogs will feel at home and safe again. It must be, as you say a bittersweet time, freedom and loss all at once.

WEM xx

Young at Heart said...

Let it go and take that leap into the unknown.........the adventure is just begining!!

Sophie said...


I found your blog through your daughter's site and am so glad I did. Do you know that you are a wonderful writer? Your way of putting thoughts down is so compelling.

Have you thought of writing a book about what you've experienced? I believe it would do well. You could also write a cookbook--your descriptions of meals are truly mouth-watering. I'd love to see photos accompanying your dishes.

I too was married to a philanderer and knew something "wasn't quite right" for 25 years. But I also have two amazing children and I wanted an intact home for them. We divorced four years ago after he sesnt me an email saying he wanted to be "just friends." I am now married to the kindest man on earth, but I still miss my family. My sons are far away too, but we are adjusting somehow. I'm not sure holidays will ever be "right," but it's OK.

Keep up the great work. I'm here to tell you, life will get better.

Rose said...

I saw the pictures of your house on your daughter's blog- it is absolutely beautiful- a perfect balance of old and new- x

diney said...

your dogs sound like the best companions you could have. We have our house on the market at the moment too - it is stressful trying to keep it looking like the photos in the brochure (and I'm an estate agent!). Good luck - it is the beginning of a new era and exciting!

IsabelleAnne said...

Hope all is well--you have not blogged for a while. I'll keep checking back here, hoping to see an update. All the best.

IsabelleAnne said...

Hope all is well. I miss your blog writing.

Anonymous said...

I have just found your blog and I just wanted to say that I too had to move from a much beloved home as a result of a cheating husband. I had a 18c cottage and I adored it. I thought my heart would break all over again when I shut the door for the last time. BUT.... the house I moved into has now become my home and it is totally, 100% mine! There are no reminders or remnants of a husband that (temporarily) took away my future. I'm back to being me in my own space, only this time I'm stronger and more independant. I wish you much love and luck. I know you can do it. We women are made of strong stuff! Lots of love xx

Anonymous said...

Please keep writing, we haven't heard from you for a while and I personally, would just like to know that you're ok. Sending lots of love xx