Tuesday, June 8, 2010

A New Dawn

Yesterday evening I heard that my Decree Absolute has finally been granted. I felt absolutely nothing.

Last week I left hospital after major surgery and am now holed up at home for another six weeks, unable to drive, garden, or do very much at all except, now, ponder the dawning of a new phase of my life.

The last two years of my life have been a living nightmare. As regular readers of my blog are aware, this has been a journey fraught with misery and an inability to understand the sheer vindictive, self-serving, brutally unkind behaviour of my now ex-husband.

I know I am repeating myself, but how could I end up the total loser in this sordid business when I asked my husband to leave our home, finally realising that having put up with his philandering, and profligacy, for years, this was the end. This final affair, being conducted behind my back with a local woman with a very sordid reputation, and on my doorstep, was more than I was prepared to accept. It was certainly his 16th long-term affair, and I have realised since separation, there have been more.

In my innocence I thought he would put his hands up and settle quickly so that we could all get on with our lives. No such luck. He has waged a despicable war against me, lied to the Courts, refused to make full disclosure, basically ruined me. I have had no maintenance for 8 months, struggling to maintain our substantial home and grounds, whilst he and his doxy have enjoyed many expensive holidays, he races his expensive cars, is doing up a house, and told the Court he was livng on £2000 per month and had no assets bar his equity in the family home. May he be damned.

He made sure the Court turned me out of my home, half of which I own, and his assets were aplenty for a deal to be done. But, of course, he was hiding his true financial position. He now tells the world that he has given me all I asked for and more, and what is my problem!

I hope he ponders well on his Pyrrhic victory.


Tania Kindersley said...

So sorry to hear of your illness and the horror of the ex-husband. It is lovely to have you back on the blog though. Keep writing; it can lighten a burdened heart. And remember: living well is the best revenge. It sounds trite, but I really think it is true.

Mrs. Pearl said...

Congratulations. You are now free to start a new, amazing life with the many talents you possess. Writing, cooking, gardening, photography, entertaining, etc. etc.

The best thing? You can look in the mirror and feel good about yourself. He can't. Living well really IS the best revenge.

Helena Halme said...

Oh, I am so sorry, I don't know what to say. There seems to be so many women in your position, young and old, and in every case it seems to be the man who wins.

Hope you have strength enough to do what your blog title says and find a way into future happiness.

Lots of love

Helena xx

High Heeled Life said...

My Dear ... "Karma" will hunt him down. I know that is no instant satisfication for you at the moment - but let the universe take its course.

Try to focus on the "NEW" wiser you. Create the person you KNOW you are and can be. I will be posting something about this "creating a new you" thing in a couple weeks.

I was not betrayed by a spouse, but my accident has left me longing for the person and all that I had pre-accident (in Oct. it will be 4 years post accident. Through the help of a great care team I have been moving (at a snails pace at times) forward. And the path I'm taking to "creating a new me" can be applied to anyone who is looking to start a new Chapter in their life.

As for being in bed recovering - use that time to blog (vet) - I have found that the support and encouragement my blog friends give me through their comments on my posts - is very inspiring. The writing quite theraputic.

Feel free to email me (I have an email button on my blog). www.attiyudeivlife.blogspot.com

Wishing all the best :HHL

Rebecca Portsmouth said...

Lovely Aurora, I'm sorry you're having to deal with so many things at once. It really isn't fair in any way.

I'm not surprised to hear that your ex is behaving as he is - if he's always had a double life and behaved like a spoilt child, then why change the habits of a lifetime.

I wish you a speedy recovery and a much happier and more fulfilled life with the people and dogs who care so much about you and who behave decently.

Trudie said...

It's good to hear from you again. I've been following your blog for some time now and I was wondering how you were. I am so sorry to hear that you are not well and I hope you regain your strength very, very soon.

Look at the Decree Absolute as a new start where your ex-husband can no longer touch you. I did. It took a while, but I got there! You sound such a lovely lady who has style and class. I'm a great believer in Karma, he will get what he deserves and in the meantime, you can hold your head up high.

And as for the new start: have you considered publishing your blog? Compiling all your entries into a book? You write so eloquently and there are so many of us out there that have suffered at the hands of their husbands and who have had to rebuild their shattered lives. I for one would be staight down the book shop to purchase a copy!

Sending lots of love to you and the dogs and please, keep writing xx

Anonymous said...

At last! I was worried! It's good to hear from you! I am so sorry that you have been unwell. I hope that you are in the road to recovery and rediscover your inner strength. I'm sat here sending you love and healing xxxxxxxxx

To your lovely followers: can somebody tell me what Aurora's daughter's blog is called please? Would love to read.

Red Lipstick said...

I was so pleasantly surprised to see your new post in my email box this morning! Very sorry to read of your surgery, and I hope you are well, or at least recovering well.

Your X will pay the price for what he has done, no doubt about that. Even when there is forgiveness granted, the price must be paid. Just a my father paid, and both my mother and I had granted him forgiveness before his death.

Please do start a garden, even a small one, you are still ALIVE! And can take pleasure in nursing a new little garden to life.

Love and prayers,

Red Lipstick said...

By the way, my 3 Angora bunnies (house rabbits) would like to send a friendly greeting to your pups! (I'm laughing as I type this, I hope it makes you smile!)

They would love to be friends with the pups, but are concerned about the 'very dead rabbit'....


Rebecca said...

My father is a manipulative alcoholic. I am in the middle of a very expensive medical degree and my 3 younger siblings are in full-time education and similarly financially dependent. My mother has suffered from his abuse for 21 years but cannot afford a divorce as he has hidden all his money abroad and threatens to put us out onto the streets. I know that he would not hesitate to do this. Take some comfort from the fact that your children are grown and financially independent. Men are all the same.

Liberty London Girl said...

Dear Anonymous.
Senior Daughter's blog can be found at www.libertylondongirl.com

Best wishes, Aurora

IsabelleAnne said...

Best wishes for a good recovery (in all ways). Glad you are writing again.

annabanana said...

It is so wonderful to see you blog again. You have been missed. I do wish you a strong and speedy recovery. If you have your health, you have everything you need. I think you will make a beautiful home wherever you go. Do look forward and determine to keep your sense of humor and a strong attitude. I agree with the other bloggers, Karma will take care of what's his name. Wishing you the very best. Keep talking to us.

Anonymous said...

I hope you healy physically as well as spiritually...The bitterness you feel is justified, but it will not help you feel. You have been betrayed, but now, you can move forward....You have friends, family, and hopefully, one day, a person in your life with whom you can enjoy life and regain trust.

Chic Mama said...

I'm so sorry it turned out that way....I cannot believe he got away with it.
It really is a man's world and I think it is absolutely disgusting. Could you go back, when it's obvious that he's been lying, and get more support? I'm sure you probably can't even think of that, or have the energy for it....and I know that once an order it is final but this is terrible.
I am now divorced but have been told this should never have happened without a settlement....that's still to come. My ex-husband has been very careless and silly though....no Judge will believe a word he says...but lets see how sympathetic they are though.
I hope you are getting some rest after your operation and wish you well. X

westendmum said...

Get well soon lovely lady and may your new dawn be a truly beautiful one.
WEM xx

Babycakes said...

I don't see why your ex husband couldn't have been fairer with you and admit fault. Such a shame. Wonder how he lives with himself.

Good to read a new post, I kept looking and was always disappointed when there wasn't one.