Thursday, June 24, 2010

Introspection mixed with bitching! - catharthis?

The end of yet another glorious day. There are definite benefits in being housebound whilst the weather is so wonderful, and whilst there is Wimbledon to watch on the television.

Yet - it means there is an awful lot of time for introspection - and for going over time and again the cesspit of a marriage I have just left behind, and one's hopes for the future.

To be quite frank, if I was brutally honest, my marriage was a disaster, from start to finish. The philanderer was totally unable to be kind, or faithful, right from the start, and I am just as much to blame, because I should have recognised what an incipient car crash I was involved in and should have bailed out years ago.

If he had just been a gentleman, and perhaps chosen something other than scrubbers, out for what they could get, and maybe perhaps made me jealous, rather than pissed off and furious I might feel a little better. I hug myself whenever someone tells me what a tart his latest woman is, she has slept with half the county, and certainly has made it her business to home in on every divorced and widowed man, plus any married man who has taken her fancy, and usually it has ended in tears. Sordid. She certainly is stuck in a seventies time warp, bleached blonde hair, bad roots, and no dress sense whatsoever. But - I handed her to him on a plate, it probably is not such fun now it is not clandestine.

There is so much discussion in the public domain at the moment about couples divorcing in their sixties, and how it is mainly the women who instigate it, although there are an awful lot of sad middle-aged men who think the grass is greener, and get a nasty shock.

I find it immeasurably sad that at a time when we should have been enjoying a gentle retirement, our home is to be sold, he has marched off with a huge chunk of our joint pension fund, and most of the money, and seems impervious to the chaos and hurt he has caused to the family, especially our daughters. A Pyrrhic victory, I fear, and I doubt in his quieter moments, he feels proud of his behaviour. I cannot believe she is a substitute for his girls - and as most of our friends do not want to see him, he has a whole new circle of acquaintances to get used to late in life. And - oh joy, one couple who seem to be his new best friends, he always for twenty years, said he could not stand! Yippee.

Bitch, bitch, but a catharthis! Sometimes it is necessary to purge the venom. Bring on the leeches!

My Bill has just rushed in from the garden - I love him so much it hurts. Today I managed my first little walk since leaving hospital - Bill and Maud were so excited, and leapt and snuffled about the track along the perimeter of our field. Dogs are so intuitive, they haven't left my side since I was discharged, and what a joy they are, so loving and responsive. When I am lying on the bed thinking my evil thoughts, they both lay their dear heads on my laps and gently reproach me. We have an adventure ahead of us, where to go, we could go anywhere in England, should we move away and make a fresh start, or should we stay around here, where I hsve many staunch friends? Who can tell, who knows? Karma will kick in I feel. The chance of a fresh start is seductive - watch this space.

Finally - my e-mail is up and running again, what a shambles. A dear friend in the village who is a computer whizz is coming soon to coach me in the finer points of coping with my laptop - a bit of barter going on here! Maybe the pull of this village will be too much to relinquish. How kind everyone has been to me over the past two years. I feel taken care of in a way that I have never experienced ever in my life before.


Dash said...

Yes Aurora very cathartic! I think I have mentioned in a previous comment that my step father left my Mother after nearly twenty years of marriage, weeks shy of her 7oth birthday for another woman, he and his bit on the side have now split (after two years together) and he has buggered off to Wales, before he was parading round the local town with the other woman, making life intolerable for my Mother, she went through around two and a half years of hell, up and down, up and down, now she is fine, embracing life and looks fab at nearly 75, people are calling her Joan Collins! Financially she was left very badly off and still struggles, a similar case to you, what has happened to divorce law in England? She did move house (had to the courts decided to split everything) but stuck in the same town (Harrogate), where all her friends are and she has made plenty of new one's as she has discovered new interests etc.

I think your X husbands floozy has a doppelgänger in Harrogate, an X friend of My Mother's who nobody could stand, my Mother introduced her to her ageing (in his nineties husband) he is a multimillionaire apparently he has disinherited his own daughters for this woman! She dropped my Mother soon after her troubles, great friend! But she was such a goldigger, before she met him she turned up to the funerals of society ladies in the hope of catching vulnerable new widowers, can you imagine! People kept warning my Mother, they could not understand why she remained friends with this truly dreadful woman, but she sees the good in everyone. She has learnt her lesson now and is now trying to toughen up!

I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for your daughters, at least it was my step father, my Mother and father divorced in the seventies due to incompatibility, they are now great friends and spend a lot of time together, like an old married couple, who knows they may even get back together.

Your X will regret what he has done, in time, to lose the respect of his children...well if he is not careful he could end up a very lonely old man!

Keep being positive Aurora, you will get through this and be a lot better off.

diney said...

I think you will feel so much better after that outpouring, and a very justified outpouring it was too. Your dear dogs will be a great source of comfort and love, and it sounds as if you have some great friends there too. Keep strong and keep walking those best friends!

Chic Mama said...

Rant away....better out than in and I understand exactly how you feel.
He will end up lonely....I don't think anyone can continually get away with treating people so's what gets me through anyway. You have respect and also the love of your friends and your daughters, the same as I do. If they were decent people then why are they 'friendless'?
Enjoy the weather and Wimbledon. x

High Heeled Life said...

You are much stronger than you think!

Once you reach the point of being able to close that chapter of your life - a beautiful new one will start to write its self. You might be saying -- ok so when does this new chapter begin ---I don't know when that will be - (I too am trying my best to close the "Detour" chapter of my life, this October it will be 4 years.
I recently went away (you can read my latest post about it) - with a girlfriend - it was a complete resting week-end - and I have returned - seeing things with different glasses. maybe instead of just uprooting yourself a trip away may be what you need. Have you read the book Eat, Pray, mother gave to me a couple of years ago - it was really enlightening. Cheers HHL